4:44 in Phoenix

I find myself eternally conflicted. I live in a colorful world, filled with different and decadent shades of grey -- interpretive off-shoots of the traditional black and white.

Unfortunately, I'm color blind in my left eye.

It sees the back room deals made in the darkest alleys cutting through the deepest recesses of our minds. It sees the criminally insane in all of us. The perpetual struggle of a line drawn in the sand that humanity named morality. It is the judge and the jury. Black is black and white is white. Hope is dead. Loyalty is relative. Digression is retrogression, and both are fatal to the potential progression possessed by us in those choice moments where we are at our best. If we trip or stumble, then we lose the right to run. If you are not perfect, you deserve nothing. You get nothing. You failed.

But my right eye. It sees brilliance all around. It writes a myriad of love songs and beholds the benevolence of getting lost in a strange town. It longs to find the melody in a kiss. Taste a lifetime in the first touch of destined lovers. It understands the value of courage and truth, and wishes to stare down mortality until it bends. Because we are just mortals, and we are perfect in our imperfection. Hope is an ideal, and one worth dying for. Loyalties are valued above all else and make a man who he is to become.

Such is the duality of my mind. It will be your most lenient critic and your greatest advocate. It will love you fiercely and stand by your side as long as you haven't scarred it.
If you have, it will be your greatest critic and your harshest antagonist.
That's the truth.

Does it make me a terrible person? I don't know. I do know it gives me a headache. And it makes me feel horrible.

It has convinced me, however, that those who don't live in the past have a short memory span. And those that do have long term memory loss.

The past is beautiful if you forget the bad. But it is devastating if you can't remember the good.

This life is a delicate balance of past, present and future. You cannot live in only one. You cannot see solely in black and white or in technicolor. You cannot be loyal to a false hope and call it progress.

We are the products of a gold star education. A generation raised by the internet. We are impulsive because we were taught that it was okay by the dotcom's of the 90's. And now, the sins of the fathers are being visited upon the children. Seth and Cain must suffer for Adams transgression.

We are inherently indecisive and irrevocably impotent.

We hide behind the mask of political correctness.


And we deserve every hit this life is going to give us.